A question on format / style with regards to using CeltX

[kinnygraham]

Hi all.

I've been tinkering about with CeltX for quite some time but thought I would get your opinion on the following which has been vexing me.

The CeltX software has a seperate 'format category' (for want of a better term) for 'Shot' (along with Dialog, Character, Parantheses) and so forth.

How then should this be used ?

I’m aware of a school of thought that suggests that ‘direction’ should be limited when writing screenplays, but assuming that this is to be used at all (and I assume it must be since the creators of CeltX have included it) what would be the 'proper' way to write using this ?

Like many people I suspect I try to read a lot of scripts for guidance / inspiration and I tend to look at a lot of scripts from online sites such as imsdb.com and suchlike.

Here’s an extract from the ‘Last of the Mohicans’ which suggests ‘shots’ in the manner I suspect that the CeltX software is 'encouraging':

‘HAWKEYE'S POV: RACK FOCUS THROUGH THE GUN SIGHT

Five feet and fourteen pounds of rifle is elevated a half inch and shifted left, off target. It's a precise, smooth movement. No human quiver.

KILLDEER'S TRIGGER

tighter ...

THE COCK

holding the flint hits the iron file of the frizzen, shooting sparks into the pan of priming powder which flashes and ...

TAN
is a huge elk that leaps at the sound.

KILLDEER'S MUZZLE

CRACKS like lightning.

AN ELK

leaps where the .59 caliber round was programmed to intercept him. On the moment of impact..’



Contrast this to this extract from ‘The Bourne Identity’:

‘THE MAN. Holding these objects close -- as if by holding
them he might absorb their essence. Forcing himself to
believe. This is him. His picture. There it is. He's Jason
Bourne.

BACK TO -- THE BOX -- the shallow tray on top. There's
Kleenex. Several sets of contact lenses. A knife. A comb.
Three sticks of gum. A ring. A pair of sunglasses. A Rolex.

BOURNE setting these things aside. Lifting the top tray.
Staring into THE DEEP BOTTOM TRAY and --

First of all...

MONEY. Lots of it. Ten thousand dollar stacks of hundreds.
Lots of them. Close to a million dollars. There's A GUN. A
very good gun. Several clips of ammo. And...’




In ‘Mohicans’ we get the focus of the shot introduced in caps (bold in the online version I looked at too) and then the action description follows on a new line.

In ‘Bourne’ we get the suggested 'shot focus' introduced in caps (e.g. MONEY) with the action/description immediately following in the same line/paragraph.

So what is the most appropriate (especially for a first timer/novice !). It seems to me that the former method – the ‘Mohicans’ method - makes for a much lengthier script in terms of page count.

On the other hand the ‘Bourne method’ seems tighter, but then we move into the realm of repeating character names in CAPS whenever they are the focus of the shot/action/narrative (however you want to describe it) – something which I gather is also frowned upon these days ?

I’d be grateful to hear any and all opinions on this as it is somewhat confusing and something I’d like to resolve before continuing with my own work.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[irwin_and_fire]

Both the extracts you've used are from ACTION sequences, which use a slightly different format to your normal screenplay format. Often single actions or characters are used as sluglines, and the effect is to make it read quicker, and more "action-y" (for lack of a better word).

For more info, see:

http://johnaugust.com/archives/2004/avo ... y-sequence

or indeed:

http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/now ... a-gunfight

The Bourne script isn't tighter, if anything, it's more wordy; if you read them back through then you'll see the Mohican script is much quicker, simply because it goes in to less detail.

A good script will bring the script to life in the readers head, just like a novelist would. So that means how you write the thing should be how you envision the scene on the screen - the less words, the quicker it should play out, and vice versa. How you write it depends on what kind of action sequence it is; for instance, a shoot-out would have quick cuts (but don't mention cuts in the script) and fast flowing action, whereas someone walking down the street whilst being followed would be more meticulous, slower.



On the "SHOT" front - that is for the shooting draft, rather than a spec script.

[kinnygraham]

Irwin_and_fire, thanks for taking the time to respond and for the interesting links.

I guess the reason I cited 'Mohicans' is that it is probably closest in tone to what I am writing (i.e. historical action drama) and so I've been reading it a lot for inspiration/technique.

Both 'Mohicans' and 'Bourne' - especially the latter - are pretty action intensive

Would it therefore be your recommendation/advice – with regards to a spec script - to just deploy sluglines in ‘action scenes’ and to otherwise describe ‘non action scene’ activity in non sluglined prose ?

As for ‘tighter’ that is a misleading term on my part and I apologise for the confusion – what I meant is that overall the ‘Bourne’ method (all other things being equal) would seem – purely by dint of the formatting – to produce a script with a shorter page count. Is this something I should be overly concerned about (or am I relying too much on what I read in the likes of Field?)

[steveturnbull]

Keeping this quick (I have to pop out in a minute)...

What you have to think about is this: A spec script, despite the obvious contradiction, is written for the reader.

You must hold the reader's attention and make them excited, tense, emotional, whatever's appropriate.

It makes no difference how you write it as long as you "don't bore the reader" because if he gets bored you're round-filed for good.

You write the way that works for you and communicates what you want to communicate. And doesn't bore the reader.

Other than not using some weird style that distracts the reader by it's very weirdness it barely matters what you do.

Just don't bore the reader.

If this is your first draft you won't get it right first time anyway so don't worry, just write.

[irwin_and_fire]

Would it therefore be your recommendation/advice – with regards to a spec script - to just deploy sluglines in ‘action scenes’ and to otherwise describe ‘non action scene’ activity in non sluglined prose ?

As for ‘tighter’ that is a misleading term on my part and I apologise for the confusion – what I meant is that overall the ‘Bourne’ method (all other things being equal) would seem – purely by dint of the formatting – to produce a script with a shorter page count. Is this something I should be overly concerned about (or am I relying too much on what I read in the likes of Field?)

I regards to how you write it, Steve is on the money on this one - as long as it makes sense, then you should go for whatever way you think will work best for your screenplay. I hold the belief that people talk about reading all the books, Snyder, Field etc. for the old adage "you need to know the rules before you can break them." As much as people say there is an exact formula for how each screenplay is written, it just isnt so - different people write differently Obviously many of the rules are there for a purpose and you shouldn't tinker or you'll only be doing yourself damage.

But if you were to ask me how I'd write this (bearing in mind I've never seen the script), I'd just think of it along the lines of:

1) Don't bore the reader. That means don't tell them things they don't need to know. Everything you write must be for a reason. Don't have half an hour of someone doing the washing up while they hum along to Jefferson Airplane, because I just won't care.

2) Pace. Like I said before, write it how it will be seen. So if you want a Mohicans type scene, then slow it down - by that I mean add more detail to what we are seeing, rather than "he walks... slowly". The more you describe, the richer the image - or, the more they have to think about. Compare this to anything from any action film, where they will have bare minimum, probably just fragmented sentences.

And lastly: you shouldn't be worried about page count for two reasons: a) f written accurately, it will continue the apprx 1:1 page/min ratio, and b) ths is a first draft, things will come and go in the next 6 or so more that you do.

[kinnygraham]

Again, thanks for the responses guys.

These have put my mind at rest somewhat. I've made some stylistic alterations now, but the main message I have taken from this is just to go ahead and get my first draft written and take it from there.

[Cynjut]

Again, thanks for the responses guys.

These have put my mind at rest somewhat. I've made some stylistic alterations now, but the main message I have taken from this is just to go ahead and get my first draft written and take it from there.

The only other thing I'd mention is "don't be afraid of advice, and use it." I recently ran into a wall with the opening of a script that was incredibly frustrating for me, because what I saw a crystal clear others found confusing. I rewrote and reworked the scene quite a few times before I ended up with an opening that was much less confusing for the reader but still managed to convey the feeling of usease that I was searching for.

While getting feedback may drive you nuts, listen to the people that give it to you. If they feel strongly enough about whatever they are writing, there is SOMETHING there for you to look at. Even "throw away" criticisms like "I don't like something on page 40, but I don't know what" should clue you that there is a reason to relook at that page. I'll bet you know what that thing is after a few seconds.